The Adventures of Dumpy Girl

Feb 18

gr8pillock said: Dumpy Girl, I'm addicted to giving blow jobs. I mean literally. Whenever my honey walks past me, I literally launch right out of my seat and impale my face on him. He's not complaining or anything, but I'm just wondering - how will the rampant amount of semen that I'm gargling affect my breath and/or teeth whiteness? And is there anything I can do to counteract my whoring tendencies? Thank you so much! Cock Gobbling Slampig

Dear Cock Gobbler,

Sorry it took me so long to respond. I’ve actually been attempting to answer this message while giving BJ’s just to see what it felt like to be you. As a result, the smut I originally wrote looks like a screen play for the new Twilight movie. So, I am taking another stab, cock free at answering your question.

I think that you need to do is find some sort of replacement drug. Like morphine was invented to get people off of coke (or vice versa, I can’t remember and google fact checking seems like an incredibly hard task right now) you need something to get you off the cocks!

My suggestion is getting your canine teeth sharpened. The moment you go to wrap your mouth around a sausage sword, the man in question will be immediately frightened by your razor sharp teeth. He’ll be so scared that he will most likely stop you. The moment you find a man that isn’t afraid, or is simply accepting of the fact that you can’t give head because you’re going through BJA (Blow Jobs Anonymous) that’s when you know you’ve found the one! Then and only then can you grind down your teeth back to their original omnivore status and be with him for the rest of your life. Because at least if you’re addicted to it with only one man, you’re a lot less likely to get oral cancer. 

Good luck Cock Gobbler! And happy humping!

~DG